Through Her Eyes
Are you Ok?
For as long as I’ve been creating art I’ve been asked this question. "Are you ok?" The moment a dab of darkness entered my work, immediately those close to me assumed that I had somehow lost my mind and had detached from reality. "Are you depressed?"
I remember this clearly when I was around 16. I used to draw creepy fairies and faces with India ink and a dip pen. Bless my parents for always being supportive, but the look on their faces when I proudly showed my work was always telling. “Wow, that’s a little spooky…maybe not so dark?”
What’s wrong with the dark? If you are honest with yourself, we are all a little gritty. I think we are a little afraid of what is means to lose control. We are afraid to show others that part of us that maybe is a little sad, a little off kilter, a little wild, brutally honest and uncomfortable.
As you may have noticed, this is a topic that continues to motivate me to this day.
I use self-portraits a lot in my photography as I am continually fascinated by experimenting with photographing different aspects of a woman’s strength. Yes my portraits are parts of me, but at the same time I float separate from them, looking on as though watching a movie. We are all made up of a cast of characters.
When I had my son, I suddenly felt self-conscious about producing any kind of “darker” art. I mean, what would the playground moms say? It took me about 5 years to find my way back to myself. Once you stop caring how you will be perceived it becomes a huge game changer.
I’ve worked hard to stop trying to keep up appearances. I can still be a good mom and wife and be a wee bit dark and intense. But, trust me…I still have a ways to go…
Being yourself can be freeing. You may lose people along the way, but those that are on your wave length will find you and stay with you. Yes I have dark moments. Look at the world we live in! How can you not? Yes I am intense at times. Yes I’m Ok.